im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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