my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
