I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
