I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
