the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
