So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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