i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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