My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
