Pappa wants mamma naked
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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