Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
