evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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