Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
