just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
