Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
