I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
