We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize