I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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