You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
