Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
