Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
