ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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