No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
