omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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