im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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