Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
