Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
