and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
