Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry about my life...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
