i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
