I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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