Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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