apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
