Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He shit in the fireplace
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
