you guys were way drunker than both of me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
