Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
