Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize