He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
