I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
