Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
