I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize