grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
