I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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