im having a threesome with these popsicles
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I party with great urgency now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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