Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
