Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
