I seem to have left my pride at pride
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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