i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
