I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
