She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
