Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
