i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
