I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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