my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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