he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
