You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
