So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
