Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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