..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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