i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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