1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
