mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize