What a fucking waste of an outfit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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