it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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