OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
