do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize