Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize