the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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