He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
