Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
