Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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