I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
