Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
