I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
