He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
