Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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