Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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