vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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