Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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