I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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