Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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