I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
