Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
