all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
