yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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