I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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