So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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