Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
