apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
