im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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