He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
