hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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