dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
