it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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