I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
