I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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