let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
