Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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