I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
