After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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